This is a fairly accurate account of an occurrence at the Monterey County (California) fair in 1988.

I went to the fair,
And I bought me a hat,
Now my life is more fun,
Let me tell you ’bout that.

The pretty blond lady,
In the booth at the fair,
Said it made me look sexy,
Said it went with my hair.

So I reached for my wallet,
And in two seconds flat,
Pulled out a charge card,
And I bought me that hat.

I took the hat home,
And it sure pleased my wife,
Put a gleam in my eye,
It gave me new life.

My wife said, “It’s great,
“With that hat on your head,
“Just don’t you wear spurs,
“In our big water bed.”

But the next time I went,
Back out to the fair,
Went by the hat booth,
The blond lady was there.

She gave me a gift,
Two spurs, small and shiny,
And I knew they were safe,
‘Cause those spurs were so tiny.

And now life is great,
With the hat on my head,
And two small, shiny spurs,
I’m a new man in bed.

So take my advice,
If your sex life is flat,
Just go out to the fair,
Buy yourself a new hat.

Copyright © 1988 by William S. Pitt